By: Rabbi Aryeh Gitlin
The Gemara (Kiddushin 31b) relates that Rav Yosef would stand up for his mother as soon as he heard her footsteps approaching. This is the source for the obligation to stand for one's parents. Standing for a parent is included in the mitzvah of kibbud av va'eim. Many of the halachos governing this mitzvah are similar to those of standing for a talmid chocham, since both are entitled to honor.
This obligation applies equally to sons and daughters and to both fathers and mothers. Children should be trained from a young age to stand for their parents, even before they reach the age of chinuch. The formal obligation of chinuch begins once a child is capable of understanding the mitzvah (Chut Shani, Kibbud Av Va'Eim, p. 287).
The mitzvah applies even if one's father is not a talmid chocham and even if the parent is relatively young (Morah Horah V'Kibbudim 56:4).
In the unfortunate event that a parent is blind, the child must nevertheless stand when the parent enters. Although the parent cannot see the child standing, the mitzvah remains unchanged because the obligation rests upon the child to honor the parent (ibid., p. 62). Similarly, if a parent enters while distracted and is unlikely to notice whether the child stood, the child should still stand. The purpose of the mitzvah is for the child to demonstrate honor and respect. While the greatest form of honor is when the parent actually feels honored, the act itself remains a fulfillment of the mitzvah. In addition, when others observe the child showing respect, it brings honor to the parent as well (L'Rei'acha Kamocha 6, p. 138).
When is one obligated to stand? Harav Elyashiv, Harav Ben Zion Abba Shaul, and others maintain that the obligation begins when the parent enters the same room and is visible to the child, even if the parent is more than four amos away (Morah Horah V'Kibbudim, pp. 57-58).
For how long must one remain standing? Once the parent reaches his or her destination or leaves the child's line of vision, the child may sit down (S.A Y.D 244:9; Shach ibid.:9). As long as the parent remains standing and has not yet settled into a place, the child should remain standing.
How many times each day must a child stand for a parent? The Rema (Y.D 242:16) writes that one is obligated to stand for his rebbi twice daily, once in the morning and once at night. The Ashkenazic custom is to apply the same practice to parents (Chayei Adam 67:7). However, if someone who did not previously witness the child standing is present, the child must stand again. Otherwise, observers may mistakenly assume that he is neglecting this mitzvah (Tosafos Kiddushin 33b, s.v. Ein).
Sephardim follow the view that one must stand whenever a parent enters his presence, even one hundred times a day (Morah Horah V'Kibbudim 60:9).
If the child is already standing when the parent enters, he should briefly sit and then stand again. This makes it clear that he is standing specifically in honor of his parent (ibid., p. 62). Likewise, if a parent enters just as the child was about to leave or attend to another matter, the child should pause briefly or sit and then rise. This way it is evident that he stood out of respect for his parent and not merely for his own purposes (L'Rei'acha Kamocha 6, p. 131).
A child must interrupt his learning in order to stand for a parent. This applies even during Birchas Krias Shema (S.A Y.D 244:11; Kibbud Av Va'Eim, p. 171).
There are many additional details and practical applications of this mitzvah. A wise child will seek to learn these halachos thoroughly and seize every opportunity to fulfill this precious mitzvah. May we all be zocheh to properly honor our parents and merit the blessings promised to those who fulfill this great mitzvah.
Taken from the Kollel Avreichim Hollywood
